Dissolution of the Mind

I go to a Hotel often and I see this person who is around 50, who sits in a corner and has a pen and paper and keeps writing. I sit across him and watch him getting submerged in those words that he writes. I was so very sure that he is not writing, but he is meditating. I always wondered what he is writing about?

One day I went near him, I asked him what he is writing about? He smiled at me and told me that he is writing about his little daughter. I exclaimed, "Oh nice!!" and asked him "Where is the kid?" he smiled and told she is here. I could not understand!!. I looked around, He again told, that his daughter was near him, Later the waiter clarified to me, that he writes only about his daughter who he imagines that he has. I never understood what he meant by that. The waiter clarified me stating, that this person just lives in his imagination. The person smiled at me and the waiter and gave me two of his writings and wanted me to read it. The first one was this, It started with this Tamil phrase - "வாக்கும் மனமும் இல்லா மனோலயம்...", and he continues in his writing,

"This is a phrase from Vinayagar Agaval written by Avvai Patti... It is one of the phrases that has captured me for a long time. I know this is a state of complete purity which I never experienced until recently."

He continues,

"I have always wondered, how does a flower get it's fragrance and color? from where it inherits them?, From where the fruits get their sweetness from? These questions have puzzled me for a long time."

He then clarifies,

"These are living things that does not have a mind or speech. Yet, when my mind sees them, it goes quiet. Is it because of the qualities these living things possess? I am not sure."

He then questions,

"Why are these offered to idols in temples? is it because of the qualities they possess? I have always wondered.

What is this mind? Where are these thoughts in the mind are coming from? How do they carry a bag of emotions? What chemical reactions these emotions do to the human body? How do they become as actions or words or expressions? Where is the soul existing? Without the soul can any of these be experienced? if so, Without the Body or Mind can soul experience these? Amidst all this, Where is the intellect? Where is Ego? Who am I among all this? I am not sure."

He further writes,

"But, there was this moment, where I existed like this flower or a fruit without mind, thoughts, ego or intellect. I lived in the moment completely, I felt the complete Dissolution of the mind. The words that Avvai patti prayed for, It was no more a wonder to me, it was my own experience at that very moment."

He goes ahead and explains,

"It was when my little kid smiled at me and started crawling towards me. My little kid was crawling so fast towards me and then she held on to my little finger and was trying to stand on her own legs and called me 'Papa'."

He rejoices,

"It felt for a moment, it is the reason of my whole being, and it felt to me as this is enough."

He further writes,

"When my child did this, I was standing little away from her. There was so many hard substances out there when my little kid crawled towards me, there was chairs, tables but leaving all of them - my little kid crawled so fast towards me with a loud smile and held my little finger and stood on her own legs and pulled me down and gave me a pat on my face using the other hand and doubled the joy for me by calling me 'Papa'."

He now finds an analogy,

"There is always this moment, when a flower blossoms - I used to see them as a bud the previous day, but the next day when I see, it would have blossomed but I would have never seen it blossom. But, my little kid gave me the opportunity to witness her first stance blossoming before my eyes."

He rejoices,

"It was the moment I felt completely emptied of mind, thoughts, intellect, ego but there was fullness, I don't know how to explain that. I actually saw how my life's purpose and meaning is being built in front of my eyes.

In that moment, I realized it was not the little child who is trying to get her first balance but it was her teaching me how do I find my balance in this world."

He finishes by stating,

"It is My daughter, who was actually teaching me, the Dissolution of my mind."

I was wondering... and asked him, "All this is just imagination...?" He smiled and said "yes, for you maybe it is my imagination". But he further added, "....all of this, I truly live every single moment and it is this daughter who I Imagine of is the God I see..", He says, "you may call this imagination.." and further questions me "..but have you even seen God even in your imagination?", I said no, he further asks me do you have a daughter?, I said "yes" - he immediately said, "there is your God, look at her with your physical eyes and feel and realize how my mind dissolves when seeing my imaginary daughter (according to you...)."

And now he handed me another sheet of paper.. it is his most recent writing, In that sheet he has titled that as, "The little sparrows" I started to read it, he continues to write the following,

"I have these 2 little sparrows on my shoulders, they don't leave me. I walk through the mountains and valleys carrying these sparrows, they play around my shoulders, I smile at them. My whole world is their happiness. In my home they have built their beautiful nest, they fly around and play in my house, I sit in a corner and watch them roam around my house. When they see me they both come to me and start talking to me, I can understand their language. They are so attached to me, I am glued to them. I prepare food for them, I keep water for them, they rejoice in my company, I cherish in their company... If anyone were to ask me what is the purpose of this life it is looking after these sparrows"

I stopped there and asked him, what is this about, he replied saying, this is his most recent writing and in this he has got his daughter married and he has written this thinking that his daughter and her husband are these 2 little sparrows.

I smiled and asked him if I can take a copy of his writings, he generously gave me the whole book, I thanked him and said bye to him left the place....

Before leaving the place I asked this question, how he is doing this? He immediately said this.. only after talking to me, he is realizing all this is imagination otherwise it was the reality he was living in... He finally said this, "people say mediation is hard, for me it is natural because I think of my daughter and the 2 little sparrows, my daughter and her husband.., my mind dissolves in their company... what else is mediation where else is God, for me God is impossible to avoid because I see him in my daughter and these 2 little sparrows every time but for you it is just imagination so you go searching for God in temples but to me it is this temple where I live in...where I constantly pray for my little kid and her husband, the 2 little sparrows and I want them to grow a family of their own and provide me more chances to write about their children..." He said, "..if you can leave I can happily live with my sparrows and pray for their protection and well-being and see what I can do for them..." I left the place. immediately. When I left I was also praying for his daughter and her husband, the 2 little sparrows, that moment I realized I also slipped into his reality. When I left the place I told the waiter not to tease him calling him that he is living in his imagination just because we don't understand his reality.