The Divine Aura - Part II - First Fascinations

Every morning after that first miraculous walk, my daughter was naturally making walking an habit. The moment her feet touched the floor, she would toddle straight to Patti, grab her index finger with both hands, and look up and give her this innocent mesmerizing smile and look at her expectantly.

"Patti! Patti!" she would babble in her special language, tugging on Patti's finger.

Patti, who had been complaining about knee pain the day before, would suddenly transform into the most energetic walking companion in the world.

"Vandhutten da, kanna!!. Nadakkalama da Kanna?!"

I don't know what is the magic my daughter does because just few moments before, I would have just asked my mother for a coffee / water, she would have given me both but only after yelling at me for being such a lazy couch potato and making her walk from kitchen to living room even after knowing about her knee pain.

But moments later when my little one toddled her way into the kitchen, my mother shows a complete transformation. Now, I would go to my mother and ask her "Ippo mutti valikkalaiya..!!?" she would immediately shout at me saying..,

"Adi vaanga pora nee, neeiyum Kuzhanthaiyum onna da.., yen kannu kutti ya pathale pothum da yen vali yellam paranthu poidum.., nee oru somberi yerumai madu.. ippo naanga walking poganum... nee poi un velaiya paru..."

Thus, they would start their daily expedition from the living room, her steps still uncertain but growing more confident each day. Patti would bend down, holding out her finger like a human walking stick, and off they would go - the slowest, most precious parade in history.

"medhuva Kanna, oru adi munnadi va paakalam yenna pudichikkittu... chamuthu illa.. meduva oru adi vaada Kanna" Patti would chant softly, and somehow my daughter seemed to understand the rhythm, and she will be moving along with Patti.

Halfway across the room, she would suddenly spot something fascinating - a dust particle dancing in a sunbeam, or a butterfly splashing beautiful colors in the light. She would stop, slightly releasing the grip from Patti's finger, and point that fascinating thing to Patti.

Patti would still try to keep her hand behind the kids head making sure she does not lose her balance while being fascinated by the Butterfly or the dust particles dancing in sunbeams.

"Buu! Buu!" the child would exclaim (her word for 'butterfly'), refusing to take another step until Patti properly acknowledged this important discovery.

"Aamam da, kanna. athu Buu! dhan da, Very good! ippo nadakkalama da?"

But Buu wasn't finished being fascinating. She would stand there, swaying slightly like a small plant dancing in gentle breeze, studying the butterfly with the intensity of a seasoned artist who is about to draw a picture of that butterfly in a canvas. Patti, bent at an angle, would wait patiently, sometimes for five minutes, until her granddaughter was satisfied with her fascinations.

By then, I will go to my mother and look at her bending down with both my hands tied back, I will look at my mother's face and give her an expression like questioning her

"What did you say for just asking a cup of coffee..?"

That's it "Phat..!!" that's a slap in my face. Yes, I will get a slap and I will be shocked!! but my mother least worried about slapping me, instead would worry what if the sound of the slap might have disturbed the child who is focusing on the butterfly.

But my kid is fully absorbed in her fascinated world, still glued to the butterfly, she would stand there admiring the butterfly without even realizing that her Papa was just slapped by her grandmother., I will walk out from there still covering the side of my face that received the slap.

"Okay Buu. Bye bye Buu," she would finally announce, and the expedition would resume.

By the time they had made it from the living room to the kitchen - perhaps fifteen feet - forty-five minutes had elapsed, Patti's back was protesting, and my daughter was thoroughly convinced she had completed a cross-country marathon.

This fascination routine continued every day, my kid was not bored to admire the same butterfly every day, I did not know, what was new that she sees every single day.

I would ask my mother, "What she sees new in the Butterfly every day?" my mother immediately asked me this, "What do you do see new in your child every day?"

I did not expect this question, so I asked myself the same question again, the answer came to me from somewhere, I just told that to my mother,

"When I see anything for e.g., When I see the morning sun, I think what a nice day, what all things I have to do on that day? I keep repeating different things in my mind based on their priorities. Just one thought of a priority item would trigger me another thought or challenge, then a thought on how to handle this stuff? then arrives a strategy and then a speculation, What if this happens? What if this does not happen? etc., like this anything that I see or hear or smell will send me through a thought chain which will eventually tie me up and keeps me guessing all the time where do I exist? what am I doing? what is the purpose of all this I am doing? etc.,

But when I see my child there is just no thought or mind exists in me, I am just a field of pure joy and happiness, there is no me, I completely vanish and cease to exist there is no guessing and there is nothing else except to be a field or medium that conducts joy and happiness and when my child radiates joy and happiness I just absorb it and I feel so content about my entire life"

My mother in a pleasant shock after my reply, was just looking at me with her hand on her jaw that was dropping down little. I asked her, "What happened?" she kind of reacting as if came back from dream told "I think you have the answer for your question, don't you now know? why your child is so fascinated with the Butterfly every single day? it is because, she absorbs the joy and happiness the butterfly is radiating"

My mother just tried to trick me by asking the same question to me, she never thought I would reply or have an answer for that, maybe I did not answer my mother's question properly and my mother also did not have an answer for my question "What my child saw so fascinating in the Butterfly every day?"

Sometimes, the most beautiful fascinations are not something that can be explained. I can only be experienced. Until today, I think there is no language to explain this feeling of just absorbing the joy and happiness radiated by my child and just be content with that. There is no anxiety, ambition, pressure, stress or tension. It's a complete state of surrender. Maybe that's what my child was also doing, surrendering herself to the joy and happiness radiated by the Butterfly naturally, which can be only seen by her.

Anything that is so Organic, Authentic, and True might feel the same, I guess.

Actually, it is fascinating because we surrender ourselves to that force which completely takes us over. We trust it and believe it fully so that there is no thought or mind intervenes us because they only have this role to naturally protect us, but with this there is no need for any protection so they are not to be seen.

My kid feels the Buu! Buu! is enough for her, I feel my kid is enough for me! Hence the surrender, hence the fascination.